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Online dating safety guide

 

This is a topic which I know deserves a lot of attention.  Too often do you hear of people that have been abused, emotionally damaged, and scarred for life, because they did something unwittingly that resulted in harm befalling them.

 

Unfortunately any form of online dating, and especially adult type online dating, offers a very entertaining playground for people with less than acceptable intentions.  To this end I have thought it useful to offer some tips on how to protect yourself.  Though admittedly this will not guarantee your safety, this will help you sift at least some of the potentially high risk suitors from the ones you actually can have a good time with.

 

Starting with a few basics to remember about online dating :

·                     People tend to lie (or embellish a little), in order so they would appear more appealing.  This is especially true for those out there that are looking to abuse.

·                     The dating web sites, (mostly) do not monitor or control profiles at all, and as such you should not expect to get any protection from dating services in this regard.

·                     Even photos placed on a profile can be deceiving, and should also be viewed with a degree of distrust.

·                     There is no way that online dating services can guarantee that personal information handed out online by you, will not be abused by other parties for various illegal and problematic activities, including spam.

·                     Setting up, and meeting the person/s also offers significant risk, as this very closely resembles a blind date, and to make things worse, without the referral benefit of a friend. 

·                     Of course meeting with a strange person in any environment which could lead to more intimate experiences, come with obvious health risks as well.

 

Essentially online dating venues offer protected and anonymous opportunities for sexual predators, and psychos, to abuse normal people just looking for a little fun.

 

Pretty scary stuff…

 

This said, I am also happy to admit that at the same time, and with proper management by you, you can get some pretty decent and perfectly safe benefits from utilizing this type of dating service (adult or otherwise).  Fortunately not everyone that lists themselves with online dating services are psychos.  So odds are you will be able to get some pretty good times from using an online dating service.

 

However to ensure that you get the best results, and mitigate the risks as much as possible, I would suggest that you consider following at least some of the suggestions here below.

1. When meeting someone online that interests you, make sure to use the chat, and email facilities provided by the dating service extensively.  These facilities are usually designed to protect your privacy, and identity, until you are comfortable to disclose personal information.
2. If and when you decide to disclose personal contact information, avoid giving phone numbers and addresses initially and start with a rather safe email address, which if you are still unsure should be a free email address like hotmail or gmail, or similar service (there are plenty). Monitor the activity from the other party for a little while before disclosing any other information.
3. If you do decide to give out personal phone numbers at any point, start with a mobile number (as tracking a physical address is more difficult)
4. The serious risk starts when you decide to meet a person/s.  (Remember this is a blind date without referral, and thus offer significant risk) When meeting for the first time I would suggest you consider at least the following safety issues :
1. It is better NOT to meet a person unless he/she/they is/are prepared to disclose their name, and surname.  People that are not prepared to do this, are not always good intentioned. (The typical one night stand aside) However play it by ear, and remember to be extra careful with this.
   
   
2. Always set up first meetings (and second and third, if you feel it necessary) in a public place, where there are lots of people, that you could ask for help if you need it. Good places include shopping mall type coffee bars, pubs and restaurants.
   
   
3. If possible always carry some kind of personal protection device, eg include tear gas, or stun gun.  These are usually fairly effective in helping you make a quick escape if you need to.  However it is better not to disclose you having it to the other party, since these devices could also be used against you.
   
   
4. Make sure that a friend or a family member knows about your date (you don’t need to disclose too much information) however them knowing about it should also include access to whatever personal information you have of the other party/ies.  This information should include :

                                                              i.      Place where you are meeting the person

                                                             ii.      Contact details and name of the person you are meeting

                                                           iii.      Expected time frames of the meeting.

                                                          iv.      And a good idea is to agree with your friend on a safety checkup (eg. Agree that you will phone the friend by a pre-agreed time, failure which should activate a search for you.)

 

I know this may seem a little paranoid, but my philosophy is rather be safe than sorry (or perhaps dead, or raped or kidnapped)

 

5. Though I am not principally against this, it is usually better not to go to the other party’s (or your) place on the first date.  The reasons for this are that first of all, it offers you an opportunity to evaluate the risks slightly better (you have a little more time).   Secondly your typical abuser will loose interest after the first unsuccessful date.  Avoid going to your place as well as having an address and a phone number can also be abused by a prospective burglar or criminal.
   
   If you do decide to enjoy more intimate experiences early on, I would suggest again a more public venue for this, including swingers & adult entertainment clubs, hotels, motels etc.  Again where there are other people around.  I personally favour swingers or adult entertainment clubs.  These clubs normally offer a safe venue, with lots of room for exploration of more intimate pleasures.

 

6. Another important issue to consider is personal health.  Always come prepared with whatever health aids you believe you may need (and then some).  Minimally condoms.  (That is of course unless you don’t care)  However remember that usually only people with nothing to loose tend to not care….

 

7. The last but certainly not the least.  NEVER BE DESPERATE.  No matter what.  Be prepared to walk away if you feel unsure or unsafe.  Abusers love to prey on desperate people, so do not give them the opportunity to make it you…  And besides there are plenty of normal people to choose from, so do not be afraid to move on…

 

In conclusion I am happy to say that having the internet, offers lots of great opportunities for people to mingle on various levels.  And for those of us that actually use it as it was intended, significant (and delightful) benefits can be derived. 

 

However it is important to remember that this does not come without some risks, and at least being aware of these risks will likely better prepare you for dealing with the more unfortunate events.  Besides it is about having some fun (not getting hurt).  So always be safe, and try to at least reduce some of the risks that you may face, by applying a little caution, and a little patience.  This is usually a pretty good mix….

 

AUTHOR BIO

Pieter Heydenrych (an co) has been involved in the swinging scene for many years now, and is responsible for the creation of the Free Adult Dating Site which is an adult dating site dedicated to offering a totally 100% free adult dating and contact website, which even permits the exchange of personal information for free…